8 Easy Steps to Becoming a Super Spy. Rough

8 Easy Steps to Becoming a Super Spy

(See John walking down the street, then a book just flies out of nowhere and smacks him in the face)

(John gets up and camera looks at the book, slowly zooming and in with theme music)

John: Where is that music coming from? (looking around)

(Music stops)

(John opens book and starts reading, Narrator is narrating what he is reading)

Narrator: 8 Easy Steps to Becoming a Super Spy, The greatest instructional manuel ever to be created. (Here lots of music and drums)

John: Where’s that music coming from?!

(Music stops)

Narrator: Step 1: English Accent. All great super spies have a persuasive English accent, so let’s here your English accent.

John: I do say, how about a little bit biscuits and tea, then later we can go play a little croquet. Bloody well.

Narrator: That was terrible. Maybe we can just skip this step. Lets move on to Step 2: Theme Song.

(See some person’s iPod, and they play song called “Super Spy Theme Song”)

(John starts bouncing his head to the music)

Narrator: Good, Step 3: Cool Catch Phrase. A catch phrase needs to be sly, cunning, crafty, clever, devious, and most of all, wily.

John: What’s a wily?

Narrator: (Deep Breath) Just do it.

(John takes a couple breaths, really intense music, camera zooms in on John, John pauses for a second)

John: Okey Dokie!

Narrator: Alright, now let’s try something that isn’t retarded.

John: How about… (Same intense moment with Camera) Free Wily!

Narrator: (Silent) Your hopeless. Step 4: Stealth! Lets try it!

(Lights go out, hear the sound of a big crash, lights come back on. There is no sign of John, Camera pans around quickly and spots John tangled up in a bunch of chairs)

Narrator: Don’t try this at home kids. Step 5: Disguise. You need to make yourself blend in with a crowd.

John: (looks around, Shrugs)

Narrator: Try some facial hair maybe…?

(John puts his finger under his nose to resemble a moustache)

Narrator: Good, Step 6: Secret Code words here try and deliver this package to a Mr. Gibbs and use only secret code words.

(John runs off)

(John walks to a table, looks around and sits in a table where a random guy is sitting)

John: Do you have the devise in place?

Random dude: Uh… sure? Hey what’s that on your mouth?

John: (looks down) Oh heh heh. That is my moustache.

Random dude: (looks at John like he’s crazy)

John: So, you have the devise in place, no? (Puts a big bok on table) Here is the package

Random dude: uh…

John: Is there a problem?

Random Dude: Huh? Oh no problem

John: Alright, do you have the payment?

Random Dude: What? No

John: You disappoint me Mr. Gibbs

Random Dude: Who?

John: You are… you are not Mr. Gibbs!?

Random Dude: Nope.

John: You are sure?

Random Dude: (Nods head)

John: Um.. you saw nothing Mr. (Picks up box and runs away quickly)

(John is reading his book again)

Narrator: Step 7: Charm. Every Super Spy has to have charm with the ladies. Hey, there’s a nice lady over there. Go and show her your charm.

(John runs over and you only see them talking. Suddenly the women gets angry and slaps John and walks off angrily, John goes over and grabs book and continues to read)

Narrator: Alright, so that didn’t go so well, but we should move on to the next step. Step 8: All great Super Spies can take a hit by a women, so Step 8 is Getting Slapped by women.

John: What

(Camera zooms out a bit and girls keep coming up to him, slapping him, then walking off. Maybe about 3-5 girls do this)

(See John walk to the bottom of a stair case, and reads his book)

Narrator: You have now completed all the steps to becoming a super spy! English Accent, Theme Song, Cool Catch Phrase, Stealth, Disguise, Secret Code Words, Charm, and Getting Slapped by Women.

(During this John walks up all the stairs)

John: Now what?

Narrator: Nothing, you just walked up a bunch of stairs.